Loving When It Hurts

To have become a deeper man is the privilege of those who have suffered.   ~ Oscar Wilde

Life is thickly sown with thorns, and I know no other remedy than to pass quickly through them.  The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us. ~Voltaire

When a friend or loved one is experiencing strife or difficulty in their lives, as someone who loves them, we want to jump in and offer our support and love. We want to do whatever we can to make things better for them; to take away the hurt.

Realistically, we know that in most cases, we cannot take the hurt away.  We cannot solve the problem.  What we can do is be there, through the suffering, through the pain, wipe the tears, and just be there.  Offer a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, or just be available to listen if your loved one needs to talk.

It is a very difficult position to be in, especially if your loved one, as many do, try to handle their situation alone, and keep their friends and family at a distance.  How can you offer your support if your loved one will not allow you to?

Well, you cannot force your support on anyone, because then it becomes something other than support.  Sometimes, you just have to step back and respect whatever boundaries have been set.  Find a way to let them know if they need you, you are there, and back off.   This is the hard part.  Waiting for someone that you love to realize that they are not alone, and they need not suffer in solitude when there is love and support available to them.

In backing off, do not completely disappear.  Fade into the background, but never really leave.  Continue to offer your love and support at regular intervals because you never know when that window of opportunity will open, and allow you full access.  Eventually, your loved one will open up, as the pain begins to subside (and it will) and you can be right there, waiting with open arms to prop them up, and do the healing work of being a good friend, sister, mother, wife, lover, husband, brother, father or whatever, to help make them whole again.

The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man without trials. ~Confucius

 The darkest hour only has sixty minutes.  ~Morris Mandel


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